Once Upon A Time...

Once upon a time, there was a girl who had the most beautiful smile. She always seemed to be happy. She was quiet around her family and loved to talk around her friends. She wasn’t popular, but she knew a lot of people. She didn’t have many friends, but she had a few that she held very close.

She would dream about the day her prince charming would come. He clearly wasn’t any of the guys she knew. They were all very strange and weird, and they all liked sports way too much. But still she would dream about how they would meet. How he would take her hand, sing her favorite song, and take her to a mountaintop and ask her to marry him. That was really far off though. She had all the time in the world to find prince charming.

One day, while she was at school, something happened to her and she fell very ill. Her beautiful smile would vanish and she would moan in pain. All of a sudden, one by one, each of her friends started to abandon her because she couldn’t go anywhere or do anything. She was no fun to be around. They didn’t know that all she wanted was to feel well again. And that if she could, she would try and make them see just how much she needed them. But it never happened. For 3 years she suffered in pain and agony. Then finally, God gave her relief.

Things started to turn around. The girl was becoming a woman. She began to realize that friends would be your friends no matter what you were going through. And that the people who still cared about her were her true friends.

However, bitterness and anger were lingering in her heart. She wanted to go back and change everything, even though that couldn’t happen. She was mad at the people who were rude and arrogant towards her. There were times when these same people would even attack her family right in front of her. Quite often, she would just sit and cry. She hoped that maybe she could disappear from this cruel world. Then one day, she got away from many of them.

She went off to college where she made three best friends. She didn’t know that those three would later on be the only people to really care about her. They would help her out of a huge problem she had which involved a devilish man dressed as prince charming. They helped her overcome a lot of huge issues. They always made her laugh, and they did everything they could to make her smile again. They were the best friends she had always hoped for. Even though she had even more anger and bitterness now, she just kept covering it up…telling everyone she was fine and over it all. She even convinced herself.

A week before her 18^th birthday, she met someone wonderful, someone who today she calls her best friend. They got along very well together. One day she decided to trust him and tell him about her life. He told her that she was a reflection of his past, and that he could help her overcome her anger. But he made one thing very clear, to not trust him, but to trust God instead. Only God could help her and she should trust Him with her life. He said he could point her in the right direction, but from there she would have to find the path she was meant to take. He made her see that even though she thought she could forget her past, and want to start over, it would never happen. It would always be there. But until she could stare defeat in the face and say that she was better than that, and that she was here for a better purpose, nothing would change. She would be stuck in the rut of being unhappy. And ultimately never be able to love someone because she didn’t trust anyone to be different than those who had betrayed her in the past. She would always be angry whenever something small went wrong.

The girl knew this. She had been confronted many times with this issue. Each time she thought she had resolved it. She had the outcome of being happy again and trusting people, but only for a short while. She only did it to make other people happy, and to make it seem like she was reaching the ultimate goal.

But she never did. She never really understood that she was so focused on the end, that she’d cover up the middle to get to it. Her smile faded. Her joy wasn’t in it. She had no desire to deal with the past. Afterall, it seemed to have ruined her life. She would rather run far away and forget everything. Hit that reset button she always talked about.

Then one day she realized that running from her problems wouldn’t solve anything. She was always being haunted in her dreams by her past and her fears. She knew it was time for a change. It was time to take what had potentially ruined her and dig it back up. It wasn’t buried that deep so it wasn’t hard. But once the memories started flooding over her, she wanted to quit again.

Her best friend urged her not to. He said it was going to be painful. It was going to hurt. But it was going to be worth it.

It took her a very long time to sort things out in her mind. She really didn’t think it was worth it.

She knew there were things she had to do, people she had to go to that she had hurt in the process, and ask for forgiveness. There was no way she wanted to do that.

But one Sunday in church, she made up her mind. There were two people from the past she knew she had to talk to in order to be at peace before she could move on. She had everything planned out how it would go. 

She talked to the first person. It was easy.

Then all of a sudden, one of her college friends crushed her. She wanted to give up immediately, because the second person she had to go to was involved in the situation. She didn’t want her heart to be broken any more. Ready to give up, she shut herself up for a few days. But God kept telling her over and over again, “You promised me you would go to this second person. You are so angry, and I understand this is making it worse. But you can’t be mad anymore. Go. Do it.”

She had her opportunity, and she took it. Finally she was at peace. But now she had this other situation to deal with. She thought she would just ignore it. Look past, and not worry about anything. But the girl realized that she was even more of a bitter person now that she was before.

Her anger came out in everything. No matter what she was doing or who she was with. You could always tell something was up. She would explode every night. She couldn’t get control over herself. God seemed to not be helping her at all. She would read her Bible, searching for answers. She would pray and ask God to help her. She was always so uneasy about everything.

Until she realized, the problem was her. Her smile faded because she let it. She was always unhappy because she let herself be unhappy. She was angry because that was how she felt alive. And the only way she could change? Well, let’s just say I know what I need to do now.

This isn’t just a once upon a time. Fairytales have a happy ending. And I have the choice to make it a happy ending for myself. This is my story. And that is where I am at.

The story isn’t over yet. I have so much I need to do. And I can only do it with God’s help.

---

And what happened to prince charming? Well, I’ll find him one day…

Save Me From Myself | A Song By Me

I’m lost in a world of darkness

I’m filled with a load of guilt

I cry out to you full of sadness

Wishing the pain wouldn’t hurt

So I cry, save me from myself.

You are all I need.

Save me from myself.

This is my desperate plea.

There’s only one thing I ask

Only one thing I need

It’s to feel Your love…

And to know Your peace

I know of Your love and mercy

I know Your unending grace

But the only thing I long to feel

Is the warmth of Your embrace.

So I cry, save me from myself.

You are all I need.

Save me from myself.

This is my desperate plea.

There’s only one thing I ask

Only one thing I need

It’s to feel Your love…

And to know Your peace

Will I ever know the depths of Your love?

And can You truly satisfy?

The only thing left is for me to let go

And surrender to You my life.

So, save me from myself, my Master.

You Lord, are all I need.

Save me from myself, my Master.

This is my desperate plea.

There’s only one thing I can ask, Lord Jesus.

It’s the only thing I need.

It’s to feel Your love…

And to know Your peace.

Being single in a boyfriend/girlfriend world: Part 1

What do you think is the most over used word in the English language?

Want a hint? It's 4 letters.

We use it for everything.

It can be the key to a relationship.

It can also be the way to describe the way you feel about a pair of shoes.

That's right. L O V E.

Lets play a game that I'm sure you all have at least once in your life.

Which sentence does not belong?

I love that car! I love this food! I love country music! I'm in love with Brad Pitt! I love Jesus!

That's a tough one.

(not)

3 years ago, I started to write my thoughts about love and what it really is. The longer I went, the harder it got. Did I actually learn anything? Sure. But I became sick of the concept that everybody loves everything!

Think about it. If everybody loves everything, then everybody loves nothing. Because it would become obsolete. So there must be something special about love that I've been missing.

That's been my thought for quite a while.

Being a wedding photographer, I get to meet a lot of people who are "in love."

I read a photographers blog once about how she was always being asked how she liked being single when she was always meeting new people who have these incredible love stories. Her response was that she was just getting more experience so that she would know the in's and out's of relationships so that she would be ready when the time came. And that she could really tell a difference in those couples who had God at the center of their lives.

I've already noticed this. And I've only done 3 weddings.

You can tell when people are truly happy. And when they are just happy because they need to be. (which sometimes actually turns into unhappiness on their wedding day...just saying.)

Those couples who are really happy, usually love God and have put Him first in everything. He's their number one. Not their spouse. And they know that only He can keep their relationship in a lasting position.

The question to ask them would be: How do you love God first, and then love your husband/wife?

And then as a single person, what should I be doing to prepare myself for the future?

...to be continued.

You Are More

There's a girl in the corner

With tear stains on her eyes

From the places she's wandered

And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?

I'm not who I once was.

And I'm crippled by the fear

That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are, 

What's been done for you?

Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more

Well she tries to believe it

That she's been given new life

But she can't shake the feeling

That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers

And she's rehearsed all the lines

And so she'll try to do better

But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more

'Cause this is not about what you've done, 

But what's been done for you.

This is not about where you've been, 

But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel, 

But what He felt to forgive you, 

And what He felt to make you loved. 

You are more

Do you ever feel like a song that you stumble upon was written about you?

Well I do with this song.

Sung by Tenth Avenue North, You Are More has become one of my favorite songs.

To be honest, I really got annoyed by this song because KLOVE played it on the radio over and over again until I knew it by heart, but I had no clue what they were singing. It was just another tune.

When I started listening to country music and pop/hiphop a lot, I lost touch with a lot of the Christian music I once loved.

And I'll be the first to tell you, I am FAR from perfect.

But when I heard this on the radio recently, and I actually listened to what the words were instead of singing along mindlessly, I was surprised.

You see, there are many many things people don't know about me. And it's going to stay that way. But let's just say for a moment that those lines that I "bolded" in the lyrics above were actually spoken by me. What would you do?

If someone you know, (and I can guarantee there is more than one person) thinks like that, the best thing you can do is try to prove them wrong. Tell them they are more than the choices they have made. Tell them they are more than the entire SUM of their past mistakes. Tell them they are more than the problems that they may create. And then, point them to Jesus. Show them how they have been remade. Because until that person comes to that realization, life just heads downhill. You can't change. You can't move. You just slowly die.

So what are you waiting for?

Be Still And Know That I Am God.

I miss Deep Creek Lake so much. I can't wait to be there, my home on Friday, because that is my home. Home is where the heart is. And my heart is indeed located near a small cottage, only a few feet from the water, back roads surrounded by farms and fields, with only the wind and the sound of the water to echo. No distractions of city life. No internet or phones, nothing.

How do I love this place then you ask, without outside communication? Allow me to tell you. It's not about keeping in contact with the world. It's about enjoying life and the places that God has given to us. If you don’t take time to feel the wind blow in your face, gaze at the stars for hours at night, listen to the sound of tree frogs and crickets, hear to the crackle of the dead leaves being stepped on in the woods, or feel the water splash on your feet, then what are you doing with your life?

It’s not just the place though. The people there are incredibly friendly and sweet. If you ask around the people who were here a few generations before us, you’ll find out that our grandparents, and some of our parents walked the streets at night without fear. They didn’t worry about being kidnapped or raped by some random stranger. That was because everyone knew basically everyone in the town. There was this thing called TRUST. Have you ever heard of it? Well today it’s gone.

At Deep Creek, even though it is full of many rich and snotty people, it is more populated by those who know that they only are able to be there because of their former relatives who have passed on and left their plot of land and house to their children and grandchildren. My great grandfather purchased our property in 1952 for roughly $5000. Today, it is worth nearly one million dollars. No, we don’t have a fancy 3 story house with huge windows and wrap around decks like many of the people down there do. We don’t have a huge yard or an amazing living room furnished with leather couches and a flat screen 50” television. We don’t have internet as I already mentioned. The only phone service we have is a landline that you can only receive calls on, or call an emergency number on. There is no cellular service around.

People ask me all the time at school if they can text me. And of course, I say no because I do not have texting. Mostly because I am on my work’s cell phone plan, and they only pay for the simple cell with calls only. Therefore I do not have texting. And once I have enough money to get my own phone, I honestly do not want it anyhow. It’s just a distraction. You can Facebook me, or call me. I don’t need my pocket vibrating all day long. I know if I had texting I wouldn’t be able to resist replying right away. And then my summer would be ruined when I remembered that I had no service at Deep Creek. So I’m going to avoid it as long as possible.

There is so much more to life than sitting in front of a computer. One thing that makes me love photography so much is the fact that I get to be outdoors. Rain or shine, a photo shoot will go on. And I can enjoy looking for details, lighting, and locations. It is amazing what beauty you can find when you take time to look for it.

Yes, I know I am one to talk when it comes to computers. Some of you may say I am addicted to Facebook, and you’re right. I’m also addicted to editing my pictures. Now that I have a Mac and Photoshop CS5 Extended Version, I am quite often to be found in my room on my computer, working or playing around with effects. It is experience, but there is a time when I need to give my eyes a rest. I stare at the computer all day at work, and then I come home and stare at my Mac or my laptop. Some days, the only break time I give myself is to eat and sleep. Yes, I know this will affect me as I get older, especially my eyesight. And I’m going to have to change. And summer is my break time.

A few things I am really looking forward to this summer are kayaking, swimming, jogging, star gazing, canoeing, photography drives, waterfalls, hiking, etc. You get the point.

Some of you don’t know this, but I absolutely hate sand. I can’t stand it. I am not a fan of the beach. I love the fact that at my home, there are rocks and fresh water. It doesn’t get too hot. I don’t have to worry about burning my feet on the sand. I can wake up and go down and just sit on the dock in peace before anyone wakes up and before any boaters get the notion to disrupt the glassy surface of the water. It’s the perfect place to think and relax. Not to mention breathe in fresh air that just seems to sweep off the water into your nostrils. It’s glorious.

Needless to say, I am greatly looking forward to my weekends this summer. Even though I know I will be spending many of them at home due to weddings I will be photographing and such. I plan on spending as much time as I can at Deep Creek, and everything else will fall into place.

Slow Down

Stressed out, running late, racing down the interstate
Spilled hot coffee, down the front of my jeans
It's work, work, pay the rent, money and my time's spent
Not a minute left for me to be me

Been going like nothing can wait
I gotta get my priorities straight

I need to live a little, have some fun
Take some time, waste it on number one
Find a girl that brings my whole world to a stop
Live a little, love a lot

I've been thinking...(I know..now is the time for you to gasp and say "NO WAY!") and I think that the more life goes on, the faster it goes, and the more stressed out everyone becomes. But I am just wondering, why do we all let that happen? Why don't we take the time to live a little and love a lot?

We live in a world of fast paced chaos. We have fast food, and we get upset when we have to wait 3 minutes at a drive through. We all have cars, and therefore we never even think about the people around us and around the world who have to walk places. We have high speed internet, and God forbid if it ever gets slow, because we might have a heart attack if it does. We have self checkouts at the grocery store, because the lady at the register was getting too slow for us. The list goes on.

What I really hate about living in the city is that no one takes time to do anything out of the normal. I mean, what did people who didn't have the internet, cell phones and cars do before us? FUN THINGS! They went fishing, hiking, rock climbing, swimming, boating, kayaking, exploring, walking, they went OUTSIDE to find something to do. I wonder again and again, what is going to happen to us all who have jobs that are indoors. If we never are exposed to the sunlight, we may very well shrivel up. (haha)

 

Yeah, I know you may think it's weird that I like the song above and all, but I do. (you should know that I'm a country girl by now.)

I would like to go on an adventure. Just get in my car (with my camera) and drive. I want to experience new things. I want to get out and see the world. There is so much of it to be seen. Now of course, nothing is possible without money. That's always the dilemma. But if everyone did this in the world, there would be no need for money! And yes, I know there are people who are perfectly content in their own little world. But I am not that kind of person.

Since I am a legal adult now..(oh yeah!) I am going to take road trips several times a year. :) Yeah..I know that won't bode to well with my family, but so what? I can't stand the fast pace of life anymore. It's time to

 

S          L          O          W           D          O          W          N

Breathe in and out SLOWLY. Okay, did you get that? Take the time today to slow down and just THINK about some things before rushing right into them. You'll be glad you did.

Hello World by Lady Antebellum

Traffic crawls, cell phone calls
Talk video screams at me
Through my tinted window I see
A little girl, rust red minivan
She's got chocolate on her face
Got little hands, and she waves at me
Yeah, she smiles at me

Hello world
How've you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel cold as steel
Broken like I'm never gonna heal
I see a light, a little hope
In a little girl
Hello world

Every day I drive by
A little white church
It's got these little white crosses
Like angels in the yard
Maybe I should stop on in
Say a prayer
Maybe talk to God
Like he is here
Oh I know he is there
Yeah, I know he's there

Hello world
How've you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel as cold as steel
And broken like I'm never going to heal
I see a light
A little grace, a little faith unfurled
Hello world

Sometimes I forget what living's for
And I hear my life through my front door
And I'll be there
Oh I'm home again
I see my wife, little boy, little girl
Hello world
Hello world

All the empty disappears
I remember why I'm here
Just surrender and believe
I fall down on my knees
Oh hello world
Hello world
Hello world 

When I first heard this song play a few weeks ago on the radio, I fell in love with it. And I thought instant...wow I really like "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum as well as "I Run To You." My brain went "Hmm...maybe I should buy their cd!" So I did. :)

And I just saw the music video for "Hello World" the other day, and it got me thinking. What if it's true that we all can change the world with just a simple smile and a wave, to/from a stranger? I know attitude has a lot to do with the way we are being affected by the world, but what if we purposely just took one moment a day to smile and wave at someone?

The music to this song is so soothing and wonderful, I could listen to it all day long. But the words are what make this song so amazing.

The video is below, but before you watch it, think about today. How can you change someones life?


Maybe I should stop on in
Say a prayer
Maybe talk to God
Like He is here
Oh I know He is there
Yeah, I know He's there

 

There are so many opportunities out there. Use your life as a gift that you have been given and spread your joy to someone else. (and yes, you don't actually have to be happy or joyful to smile) So do it. Make a difference. And maybe...just maybe, save a life.