I am not big enough

None of us knows and that makes it a mystery
If life is a comedy, then why all the tragedy
Three-and-a-half pounds of brain try to figure out
What this world is all about
And is there an eternity, is there an eternity?

God if You’re there I wish You’d show me
And God if You care then I need You to know me
I hope You don’t mind me askin’ the questions
But I figure You’re big enough
I figure You’re big enough

Lying on pillows we’re haunted and half-awake
Does anyone hear us pray, "If I die before I wake"
Then the morning comes and the mirror’s the other place
Where we wrestle face to face with the image of Deity
The image of Deity

God if You’re there I wish You’d show me
And God if You care then I need You to know me
I hope You don’t mind me askin’ the questions
But I figure You’re big enough
I figure You’re big enough

When I imagine the size of the universe
And I wonder what’s out past the edges
Then I discover inside me a space as big
And believe that I’m meant to be
Filled up with more than just questions

So, God if You’re there I wish You’d show me
And God if You care then I need You to know me
I hope You don’t mind me askin’ the questions
But I figure You’re big enough
I figure You’re big enough
‘Cause I am not big enough

I just love this song by Chris Rice. I used to be a huge fan of his music...because that's what I used to always listen to. Then I got into the more "modern" Christian contemporary movement. But sometimes you just have to go back and listen to the "good ole' stuff" you know?

I've been thinking a lot lately about that "space that's meant to be filled up with more than just questions." And that's our problem! We have so many questions that it seems like we've forgotten all the answers we've received!

Our problem is we're so caught up with all the questions of life that are being thrown at us every day. I can speak personally from being at college. I hear people swear all the time, talk about how many people they slept with the night before, and what drugs they are on. I start to think, wow, I'm not a bad person at all! So why should I even think about all those "little" commitments I made at all the Prayer Advances and Worldview Camps? These people need my help just getting rid of their HUGE sins!

Then I start thinking about why did I really think I needed to change in the first place? I'm obviously a great moral person. But that isn't enough, is it?

Sure I'm different, but I'm not called to be JUST different. I'm called to be so different that the world will not know who I am! And the only "thing" that can make me that different is Jesus!

It's so easy to start thinking that I'm good enough when I'm around these people at school. But I'm not good enough. And I certainly am not big enough to understand why God does things.

There is a guy in my classes that really irritates me and my friends in the class. He takes awesome pictures, but his attitude stinks. I'd like to call him the "high and mighty GJ." And not to mention, he's one of those people who I described above. Swears like a truck driver, smokes like a bum, and brags about how many people he's slept with. Oh not to mention, he's only 18, and he's an alcoholic. Compared to him, I'm an angel. O:)

On Sunday, we were reading 1 Peter 3:8-9 Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.

This is talking about to other believers...so I don't have to love, be sympathetic, or compassionate and humble with the "high and mighty GJ" right? Well...sort of. The next verse says "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insulf, but with blessing. Because to this you were called so that you man inherit a blessing."

I will admit, how much I have wanted to repay his evil with my "evil" and insult him as he insulted me a few weeks ago...but did you know a little kindness can actually pay off?

A few weeks ago the "high and mighty GJ" was in the studio with me and my friends. Our teacher was showing us the correct way to take a portrait. So he said he needed a person to model for him. I volunteered and he took my pic. Then he left and said for other people to take some pics of me and the other people in the room. Well...the "high and mighty GJ" stepped up the camera and snapped some nice shots of me,( and several innapropriate shots) said some very inappropriate things which I shall not repeat, and then said "this is boring" and left. I wanted to kill him at that moment. He did leave and didn't come back. Thank God, or I probably would have left. Since then, he's swore at me about my camera and just been a very nasty person.

Needless to say, I try to avoid him every day now. My thing to do is don't make eye contact. Well on thursday last week, he was handing out tests...(did I mention he's also the work study for the photography area?) and he picked up my camera and starting playing with it. Let me tell you, I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE TOUCHING MY CAMERA! ESPECIALLY HIM!!!!!

I tried to remain calm, and he asked me how I liked it. I said I love it, and he said "yeah, it's pretty sweet. Better than mine." WOOOOOAAAHHH. What? He just said a few weeks before about how wonderful his camera is compared to mine..in not so many nice words. I was still cringing from him holding my camera. I'd totally sue him if he hurt it in any way. But eventually he put it back down. And I breathed a sigh of relief. Put it in the bag, and vowed not to take it out again when he was in the room. haha.

So what did I learn from this? Instead of yelling and screaming at him to put my baby down, I wasn't going to repay his previous evil with my own evil. I wasn't going to tell him that his camera was a piece of crap and mine was way better. (even though it really is..ha) I remembered that verse. And hopefully, I inherited a blessing. Now the "high and mighty GJ" has not changed, but my outlook on life has...thanks to him.

God can use even the worst people in life to make a difference in mine. 

Isn't He wonderful? 

I know He's big enough.