This girl's gone country

So if you're friends with me on facebook, you probably know that I like music. Country music especially. I can't recall a time where I didn't like country music, but there was a gap where I didn't listen to any of it. Mostly because I was never in control of the radio. But having my own car has major advantages, including sole control of the radio! :)

When I was younger, we listened to country a lot in the car. And that's where my love for it came from. Then we went through the no radio stage, and now my family is into the k-love stage. But since I drive to school 3 days a week, and to work, I have control of the radio.

I am a HUGE fan of Rascal Flatts and Keith Urban. (and Taylor Swift...but everyone says she doesn't count anymore..>.<) So since I don't actually own any Keith Urban (he is permanently embedded on my youtube account) and my birthday is coming soon...HINT HINT. Okay..anyways. Oh, I can't forget Tim McGraw and Brad Paisley! Classic country music! So here are some of my favorites.

And I know I didn't mention Josh Turner, but this is absolutely my favorite country song EVER.

Debating :)

Romans 5:12-21

  ¹² Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned—

  

¹³ To be sure, sin was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not charged against anyone’s account where there is no law.  

¹⁴ Nevertheless, death reigned from the time of Adam to the time of Moses, even over those who did not sin by breaking a command, as did Adam, who is a pattern of the one to come.

 ¹⁵ But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many!  

¹⁶ Nor can the gift of God be compared with the result of one man’s sin: The judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification.  

¹⁷ For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!

¹⁸ Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people.  

¹⁹ For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.

 ²⁰ The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, 

²¹ so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. 

I've been reading through Romans for quite some time now, and I learn something new every time I read a chapter. Now you have to understand, since I am only in chapter 5, I read the same chapters over and over again. And yes, I struggle to read my Bible consistently just like everyone else out there. I usually fall asleep when I read things, so that's part of the reason. But that is no excuse nonetheless.

So when I turned to Romans 5 a few days ago, I realized that I had memorized many of the beginning verses from AWANA. When I read something that is already in my brain, I tend to not pay as much attention to it. Even though those verses often come back to me during the day and I am able to apply them.

In verse 15, it says "But the gift [salvation through grace] is not like the trespass." I take this to mean that since vs. 12 says "Death came upon ALL people, so ALL have sinned," that the gift does not go to ALL people. And that is clearly obvious in this world, because we all know people who are on their way to hell, or have gone to hell. The gift is not like the sin passing upon all men. The gift is given to "The Many." Now there are two different parts of "The Many" in verse 15. There are "the many" who died because of their sin and there are "the many" who were granted eternal life.

I've been debating the issue of predestination with a friend of mine for a while now. I believe that from the scripture we know for a fact that God knows everything. But does He know everything, and plan everything? I don't see how He cannot. But God has nothing to do with sin, so I think He presents us with the choice to sin or not and leaves that up to us. And this makes sense to me because how else did Adam and Eve sin? I have a hard time believing God would have planned someone to sin because He Himself is sinless. So I think we have the choice to sin or not. However, you cannot convince someone of the fact that they were chosen and they didn't have a choice to be saved or not because then they argue back, like he did, that no one else in the world has a chance. Yes, that's true. But we don't know who is chosen or not. We can only be accountable for ourselves. And we are commanded to spread the gospel.

Then he argued, how can we even tell someone about Christ if they are not chosen? But it's not up to us to decide that. People will reject the truth either way, if you believe in predestination or not. And once again, we cannot know who are the elect of God. We can only judge that for ourselves.

The issue of free will is also another thing we like to discuss. And I have also debated this with another friend of mine as well. She believes that if we have no free will, and that if God planned out our actions, then we are just a programmed robot and as she said "I don't think God would do that. That is very unloving." Well the more I learn about God, the more I find how He is NOT ALL ABOUT LOVE. We just like to think He is because that's what gets people attracted to Him. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that God is not loving, because if he wasn't then there would be no hope for us. But God is also a just God, and He is jealous for his people. He gets angry when we sin.

"One righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people." I was talking to ANOTHER friend the other day who I met in my portrait photography class. He saw my shirt from the creation museum and started asking me questions about what I believe in and such. It turns out he is a Christian, and before he came to WCCC he actually went to Bible college. I found that incredibly interesting and I asked him why he was coming to WCCC for photography when he already had a bachelors degree in computer networking and theology. His answer was a bit strange, and later on that night on facebook, he told me his story. But anyways, we talked about church and things like that, and the issue of being a calvinist came up. He told me that he agreed with all the points but one: Limited Atonement. Which is the belief that Christ only died for those who would eventually be saved, and not for the whole world. So we talked about that and he tried to defend why he thought that was wrong, and I tried to share why I thought it was correct. In the end, he made a pause in the chat line and said "Ellen, I'm terribly sorry for doing this to you. But I was playing the devils advocate there. I do believe in limited atonement and I was just testing you because I believe we should always be ready to give an answer for the things we believe." I was in shock. But I was happy at the same time. It was good that he did that to me. He was making me think about what I really believe.

In the end, I am always glad to debate things, because it makes me stronger in my faith and it helps me to see where other people are coming from. AND it makes me want to read my Bible more. I want to know what I believe, not what I've been taught to believe. And that's the best way to find out!

My Battle Part 6

I wasn't sure where I was. I didn't know what was going on. I couldn't see. Everything was a big blur. I vaguely remember seeing what looked to be a clock on the other side of the room (I was far sighted, go figure), but I couldn't make out the time. Some time must have passed before I was aware of where I was. My vision was slowly coming back. I was aware that I was extremely thirsty, and that there was a slight amount of pain on the right side of my head.

As I came to, I realized there was a nurse sitting next to me. She saw that I was awake and immediately asked me how I felt. Needless to say, my brain went into panic mode at that moment and I started freaking out. Right then the pain got worse and I just started crying. I sort of remember asking her to get my parents. She said she would do that in a few minutes once she was sure I was doing ok. I started to get hysterical. I told her I really needed something to drink. She offered me pepsi, apple juice, or ginger ale. I asked her for water. I never really drank soda, and I hated apple juice. She said she couldn't get any water, so I told her ginger ale then.

The pain was slowly getting worse, and so she gave me some morphine through my iv. NOT a good decision since I had an empty stomach. She got me my ginger ale and told me to sip it slowly. I did, and by that time, Mom and Dad came into the room. Dad asked me if I felt any relief at all since Dr. Pollock had told him there was so much pressure, that when he cut me open, there was a geyser of water squirting out of my head. And he apparently said that had not happened before to any of his patients. I told him that I could definitely feel relief of pressure, but the pain of the stitches (and the hole in my skull) hurt really badly. All of a sudden, I felt my stomach give way and I puked all over myself. I had worked myself up, and the morphine didn't help.

Needless to say, when that happened, a band of nurses swarmed around me, trying to clean up my puke, and keep me comfortable and not moving.  Pain surged through my head, caused by the exertion of strength and muscle movement I had just experienced. (you don't realize how much your scalp actually moves until it has 12 stitches in it) My blood was pumping, and my head started pounding. I almost immediately wanted to take back what I had just said and instead say There's no way the pain is gone dad! But I was too scared to say anything. I just wanted to sleep, and maybe when I wake up it will be gone.

They made me stay in the ICU for a bit longer til they were sure I wasn't going to puke again. Then they wheeled me into the elevator and took me upstairs to my room. Once we reached the room, they said they were going to lower the bed, and I would have to roll over onto the bed in the room. Piece of cake right? No, not really. I could barely move. The after effects of anesthesia are horrible. I tried to sit up and I fell right back down. So I tried to pull myself over onto the bed. I don't know how I did it. The nurses may have helped me. I just remember as soon as I got over onto the bed, they put this finger monitor on me that had a glowing red light in it. (basically a pulse detector) I was extremely exhausted, and hungry. I asked for food, but of course, when you vomit in a hospital, food is the last thing you can even look at. They said I had to wait. So I did, and I quickly got settled and fell asleep.

I don't remember how much time had passed before I woke up to my nurse checking my temperature and blood pressure. It was now dark outside, so possibly 3 hours I had been asleep. It was then that I realized there was another patient in my room on the other side of the curtain. It was a girl who looked to be about the same age as me. Her and her mother were playing cards. A few minutes later, my parents came into my room. I guess they had been with the doctor then went to eat dinner. They said that everything went great and I should be able to go home in the morning if everything went fine that night.

Just then, our pastor at the time, Pete Hipple, walked in the door with balloons and a giant stuffed dog. He wanted to know how I was and to let me know that everyone at FBC was praying for me. Let me tell you, that dog did NOT leave my side for the next few weeks. I still have her. She's so soft and cuddly. (yeah, that may be childish, but that dog means so much to me, and I don't let anyone touch her..haha)

Mom left not long after. They said only one parent could stay, so Dad stayed with me. I remember turning on the tv and watching Skylark that night. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep not long after it started though, and of course I woke up again to a nurse coming to check my vitals. And that time, I asked her for food and she said I could have jello and crackers. Yay! Except when she brought me it, it was green disgusting lime jello. So I vaguely remember taking a few slurps and then resorting to the crackers.

Dr. Pollock and a few of his assistants came to check on me periodically during the night. They shined a flashlight in my eyes, and asked me to use my arms, legs, fingers and toes. Then they shined a light on my head, and so on.

Note: Some of the things that went on during the night, I am choosing to leave out of this story. Please do not ask me about it. I try to block some things out.

I remember that the girl in the bed next to me also had her doctor check in on her several times. I really couldn't hear what they were saying, so I didn't know what was wrong with her. I just knew she didn't sleep nearly as much as I did. And she was happy too.

In the middle of the night, one of the monitors I was hooked up to started beeping extremely loud. I didn't know what was wrong. And no one ever came to check on me. After about what seemed like 15 minutes, it finally stopped beeping, and I was able to go back to sleep.

The next time I woke, it was morning, light was shining through the window, and the hustle and bustle of a hospital kicked into place. People were running from room to room, checking on each of the patients. There was a note from my nurse on the white board telling me to call downstairs and order breakfast. However, I couldn't move. I was hooked up to a billion monitors, an iv, and the fact that I still wasn't used to the after effects of anesthesia. So Dad called down and ordered. I remember having pancakes, english muffins, and eggs for breakfast. I was starving.

After breakfast, a new nurse came in. She had curly brown hair and to me, she was gorgeous. She also looked extremely young compared to all the other nurses in the night. She told me that she was going to give me some interesting liquid through my iv. It took a while before she found the right equipment, but she did it, and I felt basically nothing. When she was done, she removed the iv, and it was the first time I looked at my hand. It turned green. I was bruised. It hurt for the next few days.

Then, I was told to get up and try to walk around. That was probably the most difficult task I experienced that day. My legs did not want to move, and I had no energy whatsoever. It started off that I was extremely dizzy, and I just had to stand there for a while waiting for the room to stop spinning. It was noon before I was able to walk around and feel good enough for them to let me go home. They wheeled me downstairs with my dog, who I had affectionately named Josephine, and my balloons. Dad went to get the car in the parking garage, and drove it to the front door. I climbed into the backseat (since I was still 12) and I got my first breath of fresh air. I was ready for my head to start pounding like it normally did. But it didn't happen. :) I was ecstatic. Now if only the pain of the stitches would go away, I'd feel absolutely wonderful.

It was a long drive home, but when we got home, I got out of the car, and walked up the stairs by myself to say hello to my family. They were like "Ellen! Glad you're here! Now go get in bed!" What a welcome. lol But that is exactly what I did. Mom had gone out and bought me a few welcome home, get better soon presents. One thing I remember was these wall stickers of tigger and pooh with butterflies and flowers. I put them on my wall right beside my bed, and they are still there today. (you may have seen them in some of my profile pictures...since I am typically sitting on my bed when I take them. lol) I don't know if I'll ever take them down, although I have been tempted to lately. Simply because I am a college student now, and my room looks fairly childish. But no, I'm not going to remove them. They serve as a reminder to me, how wonderfully blessed I am.

The day I came home, was also Emma's birthday. I didn't want to ruin for her, and I certainly didn't think it was right for me to be getting gifts on her birthday. So I gave her something...I don't remember what, but I did.

I was asleep in my bed when there was a knock on my bedroom door. My Aunt and Uncle came in with a bouquet of 50 roses!!!!! And a bunch of cards and pictures from my cousins. If you didn't already know, there is nothing I love more than receiving flowers from someone. I LOVE flowers. <3 <3 <3 And that many roses made my day wonderful. They were all different pastel colors. GORGEOUS!!!

They left, and I quickly fell back asleep. I woke up around dinner time, and I was ready to eat. We had spaghetti that night. And I remember being so exhausted after dinner, and so in pain, that I needed something for my pain. They had given me a prescription for Oxycodine (I think) when I left the hospital. I was pretty sure I needed it. So I believe that Dad went to target to have it filled. When he brought it home, it said on the outside "Do not take if you have any type of head trauma." What the heck??? Why would they give me that? Do they want me to die? So I didn't take it. We had some regular Tylenol laying around and I took some of that. As the night went on, I developed a bit of a fever. They said if it reached 101, I had to go back to the hospital. And I can remember mom taking my temp and it was 101.1. But I REFUSED to go back. So I just went to sleep.

When I woke up the next day, I was fine. Still in a ton of pain. I wanted to get a bath so bad. I felt disgusting. But I was told I couldn't get my head wet for 5 days. I had iodine all over my head. I looked and smelled horrible. But I hurt to bad to care. So I basically just slept away the next few days. My grandma came over, and she had bought me a bracelet with tiny blue flowers on it. I loved it. I also was showered with cards and blessings the next few days.

When I finally was able to shower, I took my grand ole time. I didn't want to even touch my head. It really hurt just running water over it. There was no way I was brushing my hair for a LONG time either. But that was okay. I was only 12 and I didn't care what I looked like.

One week after my surgery, I had an appointment with Dr. Pollock's assistant. She was a nice lady, and she told me I needed to scrub my head. Ha..no way. It hurt too much. I had an MRI a few weeks later just to check up on things, and everything was looking okay. I needed to have MRI's every 3 months to make sure everything was looking okay.

I was just very happy to be able to walk and move freely without being in pain. Even with the limitations I had, I was quite joyful.

2 weeks later, I went to Bible quizzing with two of my friends from FBC. We took second place, and I wore a bandanna over my head. It was a great experience and God blessed me so much.

This is the conclusion my first battle with hydrocephalus. I will continue at a later time with my second battle.

I hope you have enjoyed reading my story, and I hope I have inspired you in some way.