Personal Opinions...about men

If you and I have ever talked for any amount of time, you probably know that my opinion of any person is developed mostly by what I hear about them from other people. And of course, then I see that person differently then and most of the time I begin to dislike them. Unless I've really only heard good things. But that is rare.

So the person who is my best friend now, I had a predisposed opinion of him before we met. And I didn't like him whatsoever. Until I found out who he really was. And now, this person who I thought I would hate, is my best friend.

So what does that say about me? Besides the fact that I was MAJORLY WRONG to have an opinion of someone who I've never actually met. (and yes, I'm trying to get better at this. I'm still learning...)

I think many females are like this. Especially when it comes to guys. And where does God come into play? Well He usually doesn't.

Until I started college this past fall, you could've called me a man hater. I didn't hate all men, just most. There were a few guys who I knew in high school who made a good impression. And they will forever have a place in my heart for that. :) But most men, especially at my church, were all arrogant idiots. And so these "Christian" guys seemed to be the models for what all men were like. HA. I was wrong. Totally wrong.

There are many sweet, intelligent, lovable men out there. And when they also hit the Christian category, they are a truly amazing person.

Leading the ReachOut Club this past semester at school has let me meet many Christian men.

I met Jordan before this semester, but he is one guy who is incredibly sweet, funny, extremely intelligent and an excellent example as to what a man is to be.

Then I met Kevin. He was very sweet, humble, and a good listener. He told me his testimony and if I was a judging Christian, I would not like him at all. But I've been learning a lot about forgiveness and grace. And I need to give what I have received to those who need it the most. And to be honest, I hate judging people. But I do it out of habit. So one of my quests for this new year is to eliminate that bad quality in my life.

Then I met Matthew (my best friend), and he was extremely sweet, very funny, an excellent writer, fantastic analyzer, and a real friend. I say 'real friend' because he is the type of person to not care what you have done in the past to determine who you are now. And in that aspect, I want to be like him. But Matthew is also easily judged by all. In fact, he has been the hardest person I've met to not judge. He's told me so many things about his past that he does not deserve respect for, and yet I can't help but admire him for trusting me.

So what is my problem? If you haven't figured it out, it's judgment and hypocrisy.

If you read my post before entitled I am not big enough, you'd see that I struggle a lot with understanding the secular world. I've grown up a Christian home. I was homeschooled. I've gone to church every sunday. I've obeyed my parents rules. I could be considered the perfect model of purity. Many people have called me an angel.

BUT I HATE IT !

Yeah, I bet you weren't expecting that.

Sure, I've done all the right things my whole life. But in my heart, I know I'm just as bad as the worst sinner out there. I don't want people to call me an angel, because that is certainly not who I am. I don't have it all together. And if you get to know me, you'll find that out. I struggle with being accepted. And every day is just another day I long for someone to come along and love me, forever. And I had just about given up on ever finding a guy who would be able to be my hero. Because like I said before, all the "Christian" guys I knew were arrogant jerks.

Well college has changed my opinion. Sure, I go to a secular school. I love it. It's the been the best life experience I've had thus far. (except maybe brain surgery..but that's another story)

This blog is entitled "Finding God in the World" and that is exactly the quest that college life has sent me on. In my photography classes, the sex ratio is about 50/50. Half the class are men. I was kind of surprised by this since all the photographers I follow are women. But really, half of the class are guys. And half of the guys I would say are perverts. And the other half are "semi-nice." There is one kid who I think may be a Christian, because I've seen him with some of my friends on facebook (yes, I'm a fb stalker)...but he's probably the only one.

I met Jordan, Kevin and Matthew all through the ReachOut Christian Club at school. So they are much different than the guys in my classes.

Now here is something about Matthew. I had seen him in pictures with some of my old friends on facebook. He seemed to be a nice guy. And I figured I'd meet him one day eventually since we had so many mutual friends. I actually saw him several times at WCCC sitting in the lobby with a group of friends around him. And there were a few times I've contemplated going up to him and just saying "Hi Matt. I stalk your facebook." But feeling that would be incredibly awkward for the both of us, I never did.

And here's another thing about me. I don't like popular people. I've learned from the past that those popular people are always the ones who will eventually reject me and make me feel like a piece of crap. So I avoid them. And Matthew seemed to know everyone, and that made up my mind even more that I should not say hi. I can't take anymore rejection from friends in my life. So if I think you're not really going to be a good friend, I'll just avoid you. And that is especially true for men.

But anyhow, when Matthew came to our prayer group one week, I thought he seemed to be a hypocrite in the way he acted. He seemed to act all humble and all. But that wasn't who I knew him to be from my friends.

AND OH WAS I WRONG.

Not long after that he messaged me on facebook and we were talking, and I brought up my former best friend. And he goes "Oh, her and I had quite an experience." I was like...dude please tell me you are not that guy who she "ran away with." But he disappointed me and told me the whole story. Which was much different from what I had heard. And today, I'm very glad he did tell me.

But I hated him for a while after that. Until he told me about his feelings of being rejected, hurt, and unloved. Then I realized, "Oh my gosh, I'M SO STUPID. He is exactly like me and I didn't even realize it." I was being hypocritical of him. If someone were to shoot me then, I would've been incredibly happy. haha..not really. But I felt like a total idiot. I was becoming the person who I didn't want to be friends with, myself. And I quickly changed that. And we have become very good friends.

It's not that easy to change for everyone though. It's a problem that I need to work on. And I usually just let my fears get in the way of change. But this year, I am resolving to be a loving person. And not to judge before I know the whole story.

So let me know what you think. Do you have any suggestions as to what I can do to change?

May God bless you all.